Email scam to legit to pass up

Every once in awhile I get an email offering me about 20% of a large fortune, only if I help them transfer money from Africa to the US and pay about 7 grand in “transfer fees” that I will be reimburse for later.  A pretty sweet deal huh?  All I have to do is help some stranger transfer about 25 million US dollars.. psh no big deal…. Well, turns out MSNBC did a special on these scams and found out it is a group of people operating out of Africa and the UK who are trying to find random people to get 7 grand from, then they disappear.   They will tell you that they don’t have the money yet and they need to you pay some random fee for them to help transfer the money, and then you will get a percent of it… Apparently, people fall for this…  So, usually the story goes is that some oil tycoon executive from usually Nigeria has died and this family member needs your help to transfer this money to a US account and you’re the only person they have found to help… I feel so special!! But today, I received a new story! And this one is filled with more lies than an Obama speech!   It made me laugh more than all the others, so I’d thought I would report:

It starts out saying,  “my name is Edwin Becker from the hospitality state (Mississippi).” Ok, first off when somebody says they are from a certain state they never say the state slogan that’s written on license plates.  Like I don’t walk around saying, “howdy yall! I’m from the lone star state!!! (Texas for yall that don’t know)… No, nobody does that.  Plus, who from Mississippi is named Edwin? Come on, Bubby J would be more acceptable here…  Any ways, he then goes on to explain how he is an army contractor working in the reconstruction of destroyed building offering advice on how to rebuild… “Yeah, this broken building….  Yeah, you need to fix it… Okkkkay… all done here time for lunch”…. Besides his lame job excuse he then says he was in the basement of a building that was a former Al Qaeda hide out. (I thought Al Qaeda was only in Afghanistan and not Iraq… hmm, whatever) and he found a small cellar door.  He then decided to break in to the cellar in pursuit of riches. (Oh yeah, two soldiers are with him for “protection”, because the destroyed former Al Qaeda buildings are dangerous).  Inside this cellar he finds six boxes with huge pad locks on them.  If breaking into this cellar wasn’t wrong enough, he breaks in to these boxes too. This is what he says that is in them, “On forcing the boxes open, we discovered several armored weapons including bullets. One of the boxes was filled with hard drugs (heroine) and two to my amazement was filled with money.” Dude the guns have bullets in them!! Hot Action!! And there are hard drugs… like heroine!!. (and yes he used “two” instead of “to”) And OMG I would have never guessed hard cold cash would be in here! This must be where they get their funding!. … I thought the only drug Al Qaeda came into contact with was anthrax…. Hmm, guess Bin Laden is a dope head too… And WOW! There is cash two!!!.  Mr. Edwin then says it took them three hours to count this massive amount of money.. (During this three hours did they miss nap time?)…. The total ended up being $23.5 MILLION!! Holy crap im totally in this deal now for sure!!!...  Now 23.5 mill if it were in hundred dollar bills would be about 235,000 bills and since there were three of them they would have counted about 78,333 bills in three hours… BULL CRAP!!... Any ways…. They decided to hand over the drugs and the guns with bullets over to the higher ranking officers and keep the money in a safe hiding place for themselves (typical). And my job would be to keep all this cash money until they were done serving in Iraq and in return I would get 20%!! Oh boy, that’s 4 million!!! I can’t believe they trust me!! Man, I’m totally sold on this idea…. Pretty lame huh? Yet comical… Well I decided to write a more believable version for Mr. Edwin that I’m emailing back to him.

Hello fellow American. My name is Bubba J Bush from the great old American state of Texas!!! and I am a demolition officer for the US Army. My job is to blow up already destroyed buildings in Iraq to make way for new western style strip malls.  While in one building I noticed this room with a huge lock on it… so I blew it up… then inside there were boxes with bigger locks on them.. so I blew them up two.(hehe I misspelled “to”) Inside these explosive resistant boxes I found guns, bombs, booze, drugs(only the hard kind like crack and heroine), whores, and of course a crap ton of money!.  Well, we already finished shooting off all the guns and blowing up the bombs, the booze is almost all gone, the whores have ran away, and I snorted the last line of coke and shot up my last dirty syringe of heroine.. but it’s kind of hard to dump roughly 23 million in Iraq because thers nothing to buy here… so can we ship you this money to keep for us till where done here then will give you 20% of it… k, thx bro.. peace…

Believable? Oh yeah!

-Drew